EPISODE NO. 75

4 Mindset Traps Realtors Fall Victim To & How To Avoid Them

If there is one thing that can ruin your experience working in real estate, it’s going to be the mindset you bring into the business.

Specifically there are 4 mindset traps that cause Realtors the majority of their problems and grief working in this business. Well in this podcast episode we uncover these 4 traps, break them down and give you tools and strategies to help change your mindset, so that you’re no longer be a victim to them.

Here’s What You’ll Learn:

  • How you may have fallen victim to one of these traps in particular without ever realizing it
  • Why high achievers tend to get stuck in a vicious circle in mindset trap #1
  • A simple strategy that will change how you tackle tasks and help you look back on your day’s accomplishments
  • The two traps that are the thief of joy and the killjoy of contentment in this business
  • A simple shift that will change how you perceive your success and ‘failures’

Hello, hello, hello. And thanks for tuning into the Women Rocking Real Estate Podcast. I'm your host, John Percival, and happy to have you here. Before we jump into today's episode, I did want to share a quick update about the show. I'm going to be adding a new episode every single month. And it's going to be called How She Did It.

These episodes are going to feature top producing women who are rocking their real estate careers. And I'm talking like everyday real estate agents, not like the HGTV variety type. But the ones just like you and I who have found kind of the secret to success. So I'm going to be interviewing them so that they can share their stories with you.

And hopefully provide some inspiration for you to do the same. So if you are that person, or you know somebody who is, who you think would be a great fit to be interviewed on the show, I want to hear from you. So you can find a link in the show notes to submit an application, and I look forward to launching these new episodes.

All right, let's dive into today's episode. If there is one thing that can ruin your experience working in real estate, it's going to be the mindset that you bring into this business. Now, I know I didn't drop some like earth shattering revelation there, but sometimes a message has got to hit differently for it to sink in.

Sometimes it's the number of times we hear it, right? Sometimes it's who we hear it from. Sometimes it's the timing. Sometimes it's just how it's said or kind of the angle or the examples that are given. So maybe for some of you listening, what I'm going to be sharing in today's episode will just hit differently for you and finally inspire change.

Because that is the one thing that all four of the mindset traps that I'm going to be kind of diving into have in common. You've got everything you need within you to change your mindset and no longer be victim to these traps. Now, there are a plethora of different mindset traps out there that us humans can self sabotage around.

We are crafty creatures. But what I have noticed in working with agents is that there seems to be I'm going to be talking about four specific mindset areas in particular that cause us the majority of our problems and grief. And so those are the ones that I'm going to focus on in this episode. I also want to preface this with a disclaimer that I, just like you, am I am a work in progress, so I am not sitting up here on some like superiority stool claiming to have like mastered these mindsets myself.

I am just sharing what I have kind of observed in agents repeatedly over the years and also what I have personally experienced myself and sort of the journey that I've taken to try to overcome some of these mindset traps. Alright, without further ado, let's dive into Mindset Trap number one, and it centers around how you measure success.

So we're calling this the Measurement Trap. Oh my god, this one is such a doozy, and it is really to blame for so much unnecessary time sitting on the struggle bus. Somewhere along the way, I don't know where or why, but we have been taught to kind of only measure success based on whether or not we achieved some sort of arbitrary and often random goal.

And if we don't achieve it, we feel like we haven't succeeded in our minds. What's more problematic, however, is that Often, those goals, or kind of standards, are set by other people. So, we're measuring our own success against a goal that we might not have even questioned if it's a goal that we even really want.

We often adopt other people's goals as our own, Like I said, without questioning whether or not it's even aligned with what we want. Let me give you an example. I was working with one of my one on one clients who had a goal of wanting to earn a million dollars in commission that year. Well, at the end of the year, we were reviewing her goals and she shared that she had actually surpassed her income target, but she didn't seem happy.

And so when I questioned her why that was, she said that while she had hit her income target, she had wanted to do A hundred transactions, but she only did 80 and I wish you guys could see my face right now. I was like What? You're telling me that you made more money than you wanted and you did it with less work and you're not happy?

So she then went on to tell me that I guess at her brokerage they had this hundred transactions club and she didn't make it and so she was disappointed. And I was like, girl, you have got a messed up perspective going on. The brokerage that she worked for was compensated by the number of transactions that their agents did.

That's the way they had their sort of compensation structure set up. So they weren't compensated by how much commissions their agents were generating. They were only compensated by the number of transactions. So their goal was obviously transaction based. But her goal should have been money in her bank account and money in her bank account with the least amount of work kind of possible.

But she was being influenced by somebody else's goal and it completely eroded the huge accomplishment that she had achieved. I guess the biggest point of this also is that she didn't even realize that it happened. She wasn't even like consciously aware that she had this like goal that wasn't really there.

The goal that she ultimately did want, um, but she still felt disappointed by it. So this is just one example of how we can kind of get sucked into adopting other people's ideals and goals without challenging and questioning whether it's a goal that is. We even really want. So one of the ways to not fall victim to this mindset trap of how you measure success is to make sure that you are really clear on your own definition of success.

It might not have anything to do with money at all. And just because that might be sort of the prevailing ideal in this business. doesn't mean that it needs to dictate your goals in this business. So take a step back and really think about what success means to you beyond just money and get clear that you're not trying to attain or achieve some ideal that you haven't even set for yourself anyway.

Alright, another way that we can self sabotage when it comes to measuring success is through binary thinking about success. We either achieved the goal, or we didn't. We got the result we were expecting, or we didn't. When we think about goals and achievements in kind of a binary way, we rob ourselves of all of the ancillary benefits that we got along the way.

So instead of focusing on what everyone you didn't get or haven't gotten yet, we need to kind of expand how we define success. It's not just the achievement or the result. It's more importantly what you learned in that process. So even if you didn't achieve the end result you were hoping for, I guarantee that you still learned a lot along the way.

I see this play out all the time when agents are implementing new strategies in their business. So let's say for example, they were setting up. Their entire content marketing strategy as their lead gen tool. So they go through all of the learning and like Heartache and whatever around building a website.

They set up their entire personal brand They learn how to create and oh my lord edit youtube videos They set up their whole social media strategy like all the things right and after a few months of doing this or a few months later, they start to feel completely deflated and disappointed because leads haven't started rolling in yet.

In their minds, they had set some arbitrary date when they were sort of expecting to get results, and when they don't get them, they assume that it didn't work, and they start kind of getting negative and just dismiss the entire strategy as a waste of time. So, for starters, if a strategy has worked for anyone else, it can work for you.

But let's even put that aside. Even if it didn't work at all, which it won't, but even if it didn't for argument's sake, um, You can look at it one of two ways. One is being a waste of time, or the other is being like, wow, look at how much I learned along the way. Look at all of the things that I didn't know how to do before that I know how to do now.

Look at all of the new skills that I've got now that I didn't have before. So, instead of kind of measuring success in anything as binary, I want you to instead focus on all of the progress that you're making and all of the things that you're learning along the way. Don't just base success on where you get.

Base it on how far you've come. Judge your success by the actions that you took and not by the results that you got from it. The only real way to measure goals is backwards, against the past. Use where you currently are. And measure backwards to where you started. What have you done? But most importantly, what have you learned along the way?

All right. Another area where this can play out, uh, is that feeling that we often get at the end of the day where it feels like we didn't accomplish anything, but it also feels like we were really busy. Does that feel familiar to you? So something that I often suggest to people to combat this feeling of not making progress in their business is to never do anything wrong.

You can do any task that is not on your to do list. If you are anything like me, you're going to have a to do list of like five to ten things that you want to get done in a day. And while you're in the middle of the first task, something else is going to come up, and you are going to task switch and start doing something else.

This squirreling pattern will repeat itself probably about five times before you actually make it back to To completing the first thing that was on your to do list, and then 10 minutes later, the same thing happens again, press repeat. And at the end of the day, when you look at your to do list, which had the 5 or 10 things on it, and you see that you only checked off 5 of the 10 things that you wanted to get done, it makes you feel like shit.

You feel like, what the heck, I was so busy all day, but it feels like I've got nothing to show for it, and it feels like I didn't make any progress in my business. Who's with me? Who's felt that? So here's what I suggest, like I said, to combat this mindset trap. If you need to task switch from something that is on your to do list to something else, Add it to your to do list before you switch.

So I know this sounds stupid, like you're adding a task that wasn't on your to do list that you're about to do anyway, but hear me out. Doing it is going to actually accomplish two things for you. Number one, you're going to get that little endorphin kick when you get to check it off your to do list. But more importantly, when you look back and mentally kind of measure the success of your day, you're You're gonna be measuring it much more accurately because you're gonna see much more of what you actually did get done, right?

So you're not just seeing the five tasks. You're seeing the other 25 tasks that you did when you task switched. And I'm not saying that this is the right thing to do, but it is just human nature. Like, ideally, we should just stick to our to do list, but it's not reality. And it's especially not reality in real estate when kind of fires come up that you've got to fight.

And so, it's important to put all of those fires in place. on your to do list and check them off. And at the end of the day, to kind of look back and feel like, oh wow, I actually did accomplish a lot. Because you're now recording probably 90 percent of the stuff that you did get done that you used to not put on your to do list.

I know this might sound a bit stupid, but trust me, it works. Alright, before we move on, the last trap that I want to cover that still falls under this bucket of measuring success is for all you high achievers in the room. Instead of setting measurable and realistic goals, high achievers have a tendency to measure their success against ideals.

Intangible ideals that are kind of like the horizon on the ocean. So no matter how much you move forward or how much progress you make, the horizon continues to feel out of reach. Because you can't reach it. You know, it's, it's a fugazi. It's a fugazi. You cannot get to the horizon, but high achievers tend to measure their success about or by getting to the horizon.

And psychology has a term for this kind of moving horizon, and it's called hedonic adaptation. And it's essentially the tendency of humans to kind of quickly adapt to where they are and what they've got. And it leads to never feeling satisfied. and always feeling this need to constantly kind of reach another ideal.

So even after like a huge victory or an accomplishment, their mind quickly moves on to their next goal without kind of stopping to appreciate what they just accomplished. It's that whole thing of like, what have you done for me lately? So overachievers are particularly prone to this kind of hedonic treadmill, but the antidote is to always set tangible goals Realistic and measurable goals and when you accomplish them, if it feels like you haven't arrived, turn around and look back at how far you've come, measure that success backwards and look at what you've actually achieved before you ever move on to setting new goals.

Okay, there was a lot to kind of unpack under that umbrella of measuring success, but the next common mindset trap that I see Realtors fall into over and over again is the comparison trap. Comparison trap. That truly is the thief of joy. So to free yourself from this destructive pattern, we have got to stop comparing, competing, or caring about what other people are doing.

Now social media makes this like almost impossible to do, but it makes it infinitely harder when you are following a bunch of other realtors who put you in a frequent funk every time you see their content. Rarely does anything good come from this practice. Now if it doesn't bother you, Or maybe following agents actually inspires you.

Then carry on and kind of ignore this section of the episode. But for the rest of you listening, and I know there's a lot of you, that feel flat after scrolling through Instagram, stop torturing yourself! It is not serving you or your business. So cut out the noise, keep your head down, stop comparing yourself to anyone else, and Or judging whether you're doing the same, better, or worse than they are.

What's worse is that we often assume that other people are doing better than they actually are. And it leads us to conclude that we're not where we should be. You might see another agent getting all these listings, but little do you know, they've cut their commissions drastically. So they're not actually earning a What it may appear on the surface, and this goes back to the first mindset trap of how we measure success in the first place.

If two agents earned the exact same amount of income in a year, but one did double the amount of transactions and worked double the amount of hours, who's doing better? Right? Like on the surface to outsiders, it might seem like the one who did double the transactions is doing better. But the reality is it's the other one that is actually doing better by kind of the more important standards in life.

So however you find yourself comparing where you are to others, stop. If it's on social media, stop following. If it's looking at MLS and reviewing every property that gets sold to see what agent listed it and what agent had the buyer, Stop. Your time and your energy is so much better spent focusing on yourself.

The only person that you are competing with is who you were yesterday. So don't try and be better than anyone else. Just focus on being better than yourself. Okay, moving along, the next mindset trap that I see agents falling into all the time falls into the bucket of expectations. So we are calling this the expectation trap.

If comparison is the thief of joy. Expectations are the killjoy of contentment. Seriously. Expectations are the root of so much of our disappointment in life. And this one plays out in so many ways, specifically in real estate. So let's start with getting into this business with unrealistic expectations of how you're going to do in your first year or two.

Let's be real, you will likely do pretty shitty. Most new agents are lucky if they do a few deals. You will Expect that. That's normal, despite what your broker might try to lead you to believe. So let's play this out. If you get into this business expecting that it's normal to only do two or three deals in your first year, and you do five, Won't you feel good?

But what if you came into this business expecting to do 30 transactions, and you do five? You'll feel like a complete failure. And for what? You brought that feeling on yourself. So instead, if you go into this business expecting nothing, Other than to learn and grow, you're setting yourself up to have a guaranteed successful first year.

And that will guarantee that you're going to stick around for your second year where your hard work from your first year is going to start paying off. The next expectation that kills us is this expectation that all of your friends and family should and will use you as their realtor. I do not know where this one came from, but almost every agent gets into this business with this expectation and it knocks them on their ass in disappointment, hurt, and anger when it doesn't happen.

And this is going to sound harsh and I've said it before on the podcast, but trust me when I say that embracing this is going to save you a lot of self inflicted heartache. And here it is. When it comes to selling real estate, no one owes you anything. Embracing this perspective is critical for your fulfillment, joy, satisfaction, and happiness in this business.

Expecting anything else only sets us up for disappointment and hurt and anger when we don't get what we think we deserve. And it's actually a very toxic mindset trap. Family and friends may choose you as their realtor, but you are not entitled to their business just because you're friends with someone.

Even best friends. And you actually, and again this sounds harsh, but you have no right to be upset if they don't choose you. Once you accept and embrace this mentality, trust me, it is so liberating. Of the same vein, when someone doesn't choose you that you are expecting to, don't take it personally. They might be choosing someone else because they value your friendship so much, and they don't want to do anything that could jeopardize it.

And if you take it personally, and you get offended, and you handle it poorly, And that affects the relationship, then the message that you're sending is that the commission. was worth more to you than the relationship was and that's not a good look. All right moving along another expectation that causes realtors a lot of grief Is the expectation that their business is going to be stable if not in the beginning eventually at least right wrong It is never going to be stable ever.

Okay, like ever This business is seasonal It's cyclical, it goes up and down, it's busy, it's slow. Real estate has always been this way, and it is always going to be this way. The good times will come to an end, and so will the bad times. Expect it! and get used to it. When you're riding the high, know that the low is coming and plan accordingly.

Never live to your current means and expect that your kind of next year is going to be the same or better, because a lot of this business is out of your control. But if you have a plan and you stick with the plan, it's going to come back again. So there is never going to be a problem. A need to panic.

Remember that. Okay, the last mindset trap that realtors and all humans fall victim to is the perception trap. So much of our experience in life and in this business comes down to the meaning or the framing that we give to the experience. So despite what we might lead ourselves to believe, We have a choice in how we perceive things that happen.

The choice is always fully yours in how you frame it. When you can reframe your belief to everything in life happens for us, not to us, you will set yourself free from so much unnecessary pain and suffering. When you're able to kind of take full ownership of your perception of your experiences, you become like psychologically bulletproof.

It will not matter what happens. You can turn any experience into a gain. There are always lessons in every situation. And when you embrace failing, wise known as growth, you start kind of actively converting. Every experience you have into growth. If that isn't enough reason to do it, remember that also the way you perceive an experience actually changes the way your body metabolizes that experience.

And studies have shown that when you are repeatedly perceiving events and situations and experiences as negative, you are literally changing the chemistry in your body. And those toxic stress hormones. We know it. They cause disease, and they shorten your lifespan. It's like death by a thousand paper cuts.

Each negative perception on its own seems harmless. But how we perceive things becomes habit. It becomes kind of our modus operandi. And the more entrenched that behavior becomes, The harder it becomes to change it. On the flip side, intentionally choosing to reframe things and perceive them from a positive angle moves you into a place of gratitude, which is restorative, healing, and empowering.

We've all heard this before, but what we focus on grows. And when we form a habit around seeing negative things around us, the confirmation bias then kicks in. Your brain will literally start looking for things. That confirm what you already believe on the flip side. When you focus on positive things, your brain will start looking for more positive things that act in alignment with that belief.

But in order for us to make a kind of habit of living this way, sort of day in and day out, we have to intentionally. And the key word here is intentionally retrain our brain to see the gains. Anyone that's in my accelerator coaching program sees me do this at the start of every single call we have.

Before I get into answering people's questions, I make agents in the group share their wins, big and small. The goal is just to get agents to always look around them for wins. Focusing on the wins and then celebrating the wins by sharing them. The more you kind of live it and stay within it, the faster you're going to get to where you want to go.

I promise. There's a book that I absolutely love called The Gap and the Gain by Dan Sullivan, and it dives into this concept a lot more. The book has got a lot of really helpful kind of prompts and exercises to allow you to kind of spend more time in what he calls the gain and less time in the gap.

It's essentially the same concept as kind of living in abundance versus scarcity or sort of seeing the glass as half full versus half empty. So it's not a new concept, but the way that it's kind of taught in the book is I guess a bit of a different way. And it, for me, it just hit differently. So the goal is to always bring awareness.

Sort of to where you're operating in situations or experiences. Are you operating in the gain or are you operating in the gap? And the goal is never going to be to never be in the gap. It's more about how quickly can you recognize that you're there and recover and kind of move into the game. Basically, whatever the problem is, it can be fixed.

But you've got to be willing to see the cause and and do the work. You cannot change what you cannot confront, so take ownership of your perceptions, build self awareness, and always remember that you've got choices in how you perceive the experiences that you have. Learning how to master this skill set will allow you to find more happiness, fulfillment, and joy working in real estate.

So to recap, the four mindset traps are the measurement trap, The Comparison Trap, the Expectation Trap, and the Perception Trap. I would love to know which one you fall into most frequently. If you made it this far, I hope that means you enjoyed this episode. I'd love for you to show your appreciation for this free content by leaving me a 5 star rating on Spotify, or by Or writing a review on Apple.

These reviews, I've said it before, really helped me and the show and they kind of helped me keep making episodes. So I'd really appreciate it if you took the time to let me know that the show is helping you. With that, remember that everything in life and in this business happens for you. Not to you until next time.

Thanks for listening to the women rocking real estate podcast with host Jen Percival. You can find the show notes at www. womenrockingrealestate. com. Be sure to follow Jennifer on Instagram at women rocking real estate for daily advice, motivational tips, and some real estate truth bombs in between.

Quick Links Mentioned In This Episode:

  • Apply to be a guest on the “How She Did It” new Podcast series here.

Learn More About How To Work With Me:

  • Learn more about my 1:1 Coaching here.
  • Learn more about my courses for Realtors here.
  • Learn more about my Website Templates for Realtors here.
  • Learn more about my Business Organization System here.
  • Learn more about my Group Coaching here.
  • Learn how you can work with me at eXp Realty here.